Feb 3rd, 2010
Watch Beowulf Movie Online
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Watch Beowulf Movie Online.
Movie Title: Beowulf Beowulf is available for streaming or downloading. |
If you are a rabid fan of ye olde epic Beowulf, and are dying to see it adapted to film, then this is probably not for you. I recommend The 13th Warrior instead. Actually, I recommend The 13th Warrior to any fan of medieval action or fantasy adventure. My endorsement of Beowulf doesn’t go NEARLY as far, and yet somehow, in spite of its many glaring flaws, I find this “adaptation” quite entertaining.
This straight-to-video year 2000 take on the ancient tale stars Christopher Lambert as the superhuman hero Beowulf, except this isn’t the Dark Ages. Instead, the events take place in a post-apocalyptic future of gears and steaming pipes (a setting that, I feel, was a mistake). It has Hrothgar the “Border Lord,” Grendel, and Grendel’s mother, but everything else from the poem is absent, and here the similarities begin to wane. As movies go, this is Fortress meets Mortal Kombat (both of which starred Lambert) meets Mad Max, and thrown somewhere in the middle of this techno-gothic realm is Beowulf. Beowulf himself has become a high-flying martial artist (thanks to Lambert’s stand-in, naturally); Grendel’s mother has become a sexy porn star succubus who seduces Hrothgar in his dreams; and Grendel is your typical B-movie creature with some purple haze surrounding him at all times to make the costume seem more imposing (and, point of fact, it does make the man in a monster suit beastie seem less like what it actually is).
Not unlike the old fantasy flick The Sword and the Sorcerer, Beowulf still manages to be fun in spite of its many failings and sometimes laughable production values (not to mention laughable acting). I still haven’t managed to grasp how it can equal more than the sum of its parts, but if you don’t expect a film version of the old epic and instead expect a second-rate Lambert action flick, you might have fun also. (stress on MIGHT – different strokes for different folks…)
To call this version of Beowulf mediocre wouldn’t be appropriate to the level of blandness that it brings to the screen. There’s relatively little to like in this post-apocalyptic recasting of the ancient poem, itself a 10th Century Christianized retelling of an even older pagan myth.
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Christopher Lambert stars (which should tell you most of what you need to know already) and does almost as a good job of acting as he did in the Highlander movies, which is to say not that well at all. To be fair, he isn’t given much to work with here and neither is the rest of the cast (more on them later.) He pretty much broods around the screen with a perpetual scowl on. He’s also very little like the Beowulf of legend. This version of Beowulf is an abomination (I don’t want to say too much for fear of giving away the story) and is thankfully a virtual martial arts master as well. Ironically, for all of his talent he is unable to best Grendal nearly as easily as the original Beowulf who in one fight ripped the beast’s arm off.
The cast is mostly a joke. It’s clear that the director felt that recasting the tale in the future would give him more possibilities. After all, in the 10th century there were few women who liked to put their men to shame by kicking more butt then they could. And they also didn’t care to dress with as little clothing as possible. As hard as it might be for our culture to realize, there was a time when modesty was a virtue. Also very rare among the 10th century Danes were black men who’s sole purpose was comic relief. But fear not, this movie’s got that angle covered. The king is well cast and is mostly sympathetic. But he ends up being part of the largest disaster to come along in this long, sad line of disasters.
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Because see, what would Beowulf be without lots of sex? Oh wait, the original didn’t have sex, you say? Eh, it should have. And this movie makes sure that you know that it’s all about sex. Thankfully, we’re spared most of the details but by the end (and again, I can’t say too much without ruining the end) it’s perfectly clear that no tale can stand up against our sex obsessed culture. Add to this a ridiculous interpretation of Grendal’s mother and you’re thankfully almost to the end of this garbage. As a note to those who are familiar with the poem, the movie does not cover the final third of Beowulf’s story and barely manages to include a horribly mangled version of the middle third. Hollywood still seems obsessed with a “happy” ending and so that is what we get, albiet a shallow and absurd happy ending considering the rest of the movie.
If techno music, overly-choreographed fights re-using the same moves several times, shallow characters, mediocre effects, and flat acting are your idea of a good time…then go and pick this movie up. Otherwise, unless you’re a hardcore science fiction fan, you’ll want to stay away from it. For those of us addicted to sci-fi, it’s probably worth seeing once just to say you have seen it. But after that, there isn’t much there.
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